Spartan Cheerleaders – Marathon

I know no one watches SNL anymore.  However, I do (except it isn’t on Saturday night).  It is on Netflix via my new Apple TV.  And I think my wife, daughter and I laughed until we cried this past month when we watched Craig (Will Ferrell) and Arianna (Cheri Oteri) cheer for the Midwestern Chess Championships.  One of my favorite cheers – “U-G-L-Y You ain’t got no alibi.  You’re ugly!  Hey, Hey, You’re Ugly!  Wooooo!  K-I-N-G You can’t take my king from me.  You’re Ugly!  Hey, Hey, You’re Ugly!  Wooooo!”

This series ran from 1995-1999 and featured these two as awkward, self-conscious cheerleaders who really wanted to cheer but no one wanted to hear them.  They had tried out for the cheerleading squad in the original skit but didn’t make it.  They then made off with the uniforms and cheered (illegally) at everything from football, bowling, ping-pong, swim meets and this one – the chess championships.

Anything Will Ferrell does is very funny but we had forgotten about the SNL Craig character.  It’s even funnier the second time around.  [Side bar – my wife had heard the “More Cowbell” phrase before but never saw the skit.  Go check that one out too.  It is also a classic.]

Anyway, what I thought I would do is send Craig and Arianna to Savannah this coming year to cheer me on in the marathon.  I’ll put them around mile 8 and then again at mile 20 or so to get me motivated.  I’ll even write a few cheers for them.  How about these:

“T-R-I-P You can run but not from me.  I’ll trip you!  Hey, hey, I’ll trip you!  Wooooo!”


“Who’s that Spartan running round that tree?  It’s me!  It’s me!  Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh.  Uh huh.”


“1-2-3-4 Who you runners running for?  You’re momma.  Hey, hey, your momma.  Wooooo!”


“R-U-N-N-I-N-G That’s the way we spell run-ning. Run-ning.  Let’s get run-ning!  Woooo!”

I have even found a website with Craig and Arianna outfits so if there are any volunteers out there in blog land that want to step up to the plate just let me know.  Even if I don’t have volunteers I may have to talk my wife into creating a home video cheer of us in this year’s 2012 costume for the November post.

Running Update:  I’m doing 15-20 miles per week at the moment.  I’m still not officially training for anything except training my right hand to put down the second bratwurst (not working).  Near term goal: stay under the Clydesdale category.  I did watch “Forks Over Kniveson Netflix as well.  Their basic message is eat anything you want that is a fruit, vegetable or whole food item.  It examines the claim that most, if not all, of the degenerative diseases that afflict us (heart attacks, diabetes, cancer) can be controlled, or even reversed, by rejecting animal-based and processed foods.  Easy description – don’t eat anything with a mother or father.  Plant-based whole food diet.  It is their fancy word for vegetarian.

“A film that can save your life!” – Roger Ebert

“A great film.” – Sanjay Gupta MD, CNN

“I loved it and I need all of you to see it.” – Dr. Oz

“This is ridiculous.  I eat cheese and brats.  This is obviously not for me.” – Bob, Author of this blog

Oh wait, maybe it is?  They start with “2 out of every 3 of us are overweight and most likely obese”.  My odds are not good.  But then again, maybe its you?  Or you?  Only one of us three isn’t obese.  Jokes aside, it did wake me up a bit to some things.  So, lunches are salads and salads are good.  That is what I’ll keep telling myself anyway.

I ran the Greenville News 5K this past weekend in Greenville, SC.  It was my best 5K race thus far (24:45).  PR.  And this came the morning after a Jason Aldean/Luke Bryan concert.  I guess the extra carbs served in 32 ounce cans of whoop *ss at the stadium the night before will have to be me in my future training rotation.  They worked.

I also got to run with a friend of mine who is a Green Beret.  He has so many awesome jaw dropping stories.  And when I brought him over to the house after the run and had him tell a few to my kids they thought he was a real life Jack Bauer.  He is actually; busting terrorist cells from Russia to Chile to Iraq.  He’s even wandered the back roads of Iraq wearing a turban, dark sun glasses, a big bushy mustache dyed black with his trusty revolver in the back of his pants.  All in the name of getting intel on what the bad guys are up to.  I need to do some more runs with him and maybe add a “Jack Bauer Says…” section to this blog.  I don’t know what Jack Bauer says but what I say is don’t mess with the Green Berets!  He’s IN for the Savannah Marathon this year now too.  We’ll leave the turbans at home.

A big shout out to Slider this month!  On January 8th, Slider completed his bucket list item and won finished the Walt Disney World Marathon!  He’s officially in the Marathon Club.  He says now that it’s complete he may be going back to half marathons but I’ll start working on him again for the Savannah Marathon here shortly.

Only 38 months and 26.2 miles to go…


2 Responses to Spartan Cheerleaders – Marathon

  1. patrice says:

    You are hysterical! I’m your biggest blog fan, bar none, and look forward to next month. Medal Ceremony at last! We need moreclub members 🙂

  2. Dorothy Gourley says:

    Another good one, Paul. How you have a memory for things/shows from years ago is beyond me but certainly helps making your blogs so interesting.

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